Do you know about - Codependency - It's Not What it Used to Be!
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...you've ever heard yourself think or say, "If you loved me, you would ______" (fill in the blank)
...you've ever view that if someone else would just Change, you could finally be happy.
...you've rescued someone else person...emotionally or physically...only to later resent and judge them for needing to be rescued in the first place!
...you've been possessive, obsessive, and felt like you were Losing Your Mind over someone or something you didn't like that much to begin with.
...your entire life feels out of operate when you can't have what (or Who) you want Right Now!
...you interrogate your own decisions and opinions when other habitancy don't agree with them...
...you sacrifice your own needs and wants for the needs and wants of others.
...you have to get angry to be heard...
...you've stopped trying to be heard...
...you're angry, scared, or lonely and can't tell which is which anymore.
...you say "yes" when you mean "no"; "No" when you mean "yes"; have no idea What you mean, and wonder why people don't "get" you...
Or...
...you looking yourself singing the lyrics to "Love Hurts" in the shower!
If you answered a resounding "Yes!" to any of these statements, you just might be codependent.
Although we might chuckle at the obvious, Codependency is No Joke! It is certainly host to some of the most common, destructive, unhealthy, and unconscious habits and behaviors we do as human beings.
For many years, when I mentioned the topic of "codependency" to clients, I would get varied negative reactions as if I had just asked them to smell a dirty sock! However, with the willingness to delve more deeply, they were able to understand its significance in their lives and ultimately, begin the process of curative and recovering themselves from a amount of false beliefs and unhealthy behaviors they were not even aware were causing their pain.
Although the term Codependency was coined in the 1980's as a means of identifying the feelings and behaviors of habitancy in relationships with alcoholics and addicts, it has a much broader meaning today. If you were to look at codependency under a microscope, you would find it is plainly a set of beliefs and perspectives about love...what it looks like, feels like, acts like; how we get it, keep it, protect it; what it means about us if we have it or if we don't; and at it's very core, the trust that love exists externally rather than internally, which is finally the true culprit. When we believe our source of love resides in others, we are rendered dependent on them for love, acceptance, approval, acknowledgment, affection, attentiveness and validation, and in our codependent nature, will go in hunt of someone to help us feel "whole". In order to do so, we must seek out (or already have) someone who will cooperate in this dynamic with us, hence creating a "codependent" relationship, in which both parties are dependent on the same set of beliefs in order to support the relationship. This happens in relationships of all kinds, be it intimate, parent/child, friendship, coworkers, or the world at large and is thoroughly unconscious to most of us, which is where our work begins. It's time to wake up!
To be interdependent is to live and practice the conscious awareness that our sense of Self is derived from within. To be inter-dependent is to be "internally dependent" on our own capacity for love, validation, and acceptance, rather than externally dependent on others to fulfill us. Just as we learn to walk, talk, and feed our bodies as we grow, we must also learn to honor, validate, and foster our Souls or we will remain dependent on others to do so. Most of us did not get a lot of support in this area and learned instead to trust others more than ourselves, seek others' opinions, approval, and acceptance over our own, and in essence, lost pieces of our true Self along the way. This is that subtle feeling we get sometimes that "something's missing". It Is! But it's not far out of reach. The task now is to find and embrace those aspects of Self and remember who we are again...from the inside out.
Once in alignment with that which we already Are, we are able to relax and enjoy the love we feel with others, rather than needing it to feel complete. When we are unblemished within ourselves, we are at peace.
If you've not yet explored this aspect of your personal/spiritual growth, or at least not explored it from this perspective, I extremely propose it as an empowering, enlightening, and often very consuming process!
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